12/26/2006

Things That Shouldn't Be Funny, But Are:
1. Arnold Schwarzenegger screaming like a bitch after breaking his femur on a ski slope in Idaho. Reason it shouldn't be funny: Well, a broken leg hurts like a motherfucker. Reason it is funny: C'mon - it's Schwarzenegger, who you know sounded like Fozzie Bear on fire when he saw the bone sticking out of his skin.

2. British and Iraqi forces raided and destroyed a police station in Basra because the prisoners were being tortured and were going to be executed by the police there, who had been "infiltrated" by militia members and criminals. Reason it shouldn't be funny: "More than 100 men were crowded into a single cell, 30 feet by 40 feet, he said, with two open toilets, two sinks and just a few blankets spread over the concrete floor." Reason it is funny: "The serious crimes unit was at the center of death squad activity" and "The two-story building, once used by Saddam Hussein’s security forces, was then demolished, in an attempt to remove all traces of the serious crimes unit."

3. There's gonna be close to $2 billion in fraud revealed on Katrina clean up and reconstruction contracts. This'd include no-bid contracts to corporations like the Shaw Group, the dicking over of minority businesses, and the general piggy-at-the-trough greed that accompanies every action taken by the Bush administration. Reason it shouldn't be funny: Ultimately, like in Iraq, the people who are fucked by the skeevy, sub-mob way that Washington and Louisiana politicians do business are never the executives at Bechtel. Reason it is funny: The Saints are having one of their best seasons ever. And people really seem to give a fuck about that.

Things That Should Be Funny, But Aren't (Dead Soldiers Edition)
:
1. John McCain's son could be sent to Iraq if the surge that the senator so frothingly desires comes to fruition. Reason it should be funny: Oh, irony is such a cruel whore. Reason it isn't funny: Because if Jimmy McCain goes, at least 20,000 other Americans are going there with him.

2. More American soldiers have died in Iraq than the total number of people that died on 9/11. Reason it should be funny: Well, not technically "ha-ha" funny, but more "wry-laugh-of-sad-recognition" funny. Reason it isn't funny: Because that's just American soldiers who died in Iraq. Not like the 9/11 total, which includes people from many, many different countries. Wanna factor in everyone who's died in the war so far, as if that'll make a balance on the ledger of doom? Whatcha got? Ten for one? 100 for one? What's gonna put us back in the black? Nah, we're damned to stay in the red.

3. President Bush is trying to assert himself in the days before the new Congress comes in, rejecting the Iraq Study Group's proposals and threatening the lives of many more Americans by sending them to Iraq. Reason it should be funny: Seriously, is there anything funnier than the pathetic sight of George W. Bush thumpin' his chest and actin' like anyone gives a happy monkey fuck what he has to say? It's like watching Elmer Fudd try to tell a bunch of Bugs Bunnies how to lay down and be hunted. We're just watching in giddy anticipation until he gets his pants dropped and them cheeks get a spankin'. Reason it isn't funny: Nine more dead over the weekend. And if we really think the Democrats have the stones to de-fund the war (the only thing they can do to stop it), well, then one presumes the joke's on us.