12/07/2006

In Brief: Why Ann Coulter Is a Cunt, Part 3240 (Head Injury Edition):
So, like, conservative carbuncle Ann Coulter scrawls the beginning of her latest "column" (if by "column," you mean, "the transcribed oinkings of a swill-sucking sow grunting from her shit-filled mud pit"), and it's all about the usual blah, blah, blah, Democrats are pussies 'cause they want people to not die, and, oh, gee aren't we all fucked because they were elected and by the way doesn't it suck to have to wait in line at airports. It's sort of like listening to a bad Dennis Miller imitator, which, because Dennis Miller blows monkey cock, so it would be pretty bad. Oh, and the Iraq Study Group - they're wimps, too, 'cause they wanna talk to people instead of shooting them in the head.

Then, seriously, really, starting in the fourth paragraph, Coulter absolutely abandons everything that she had spoken about previously to squeeze her nipples to erection over Matt Lauer's 9/11/06 interview with George Bush, and how Lauer aggressively questioned Bush over the waterboarding of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. And then spends the rest of the column defending the action and mocking Lauer for daring to bring it up three months ago. The column ends with a brief nod to the Iraq Study Group, but, after that third paragraph, Democrats are never, never mentioned again.

The column is titled "Incoming Congress prepares to launch 'Operation Surrender.'"

Now this ain't about the morality or immorality of torturing evil people. This is about the responsibility of editors to look deep into the twirling eyes of their batshit insane writers and say, "Ann, the interview's old. And what the fuck does it have to do with the incoming Congress?"

Probably Coulter had a months-old pile of scrap notes laying around and she demanded that her assistant type it up, slap a couple of more recent references on the front, bring her the animatronic Sean Hannity robo-head with rugged tongue action, place it between her legs, and jack off while watching her squirm as Hannity's android head gives her head. Oh, and e-mail that column off to Universal Press Syndicate.